Doubt, Fear and this Damned Belly Fat

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I wish that there could be one transcendent day where I would wake up in the morning and my belly fat would be gone. It would be here today and vaporized tomorrow. Hello six pack city!

I’ve done everything right, haven’t I? I’ve been eating cleaner than I ever have for the better part of 3 months.

Usually by this point I’d be freaking out. Do I need to eat less? Do I need to work out more? Is my program not working? Should I cut out carbs? Do I need to do more cardio?

Usually I would start frantically doing everything. More cardio! Let’s skip breakfast, I need to cut my calories! Then I would usually start to back pedal. Take a few cheat days, tell myself “I’ve been working so hard these past few months, I deserve a break”. “One bad snack won’t hurt me, I’ll work harder on the next meals”. And so the self-sabotage would begin.

Then, I would really lose it. I would hate myself… I’d tell myself “I’ll never learn”, “This will never happen”. Then it was all over.

I’ve done this so many times before that I know the familiar feelings of doubt. They begin to emerge like zombies from the black abyss and slowly wrap their spindly fingers around me, pulling me in.

This time feels different, but I am still scared. I am afraid that if I keep this up, go above and beyond and do all this work, it still won’t matter and I won’t reach where I want to be.

I can’t blame anyone else for these feelings. Doubt is not some kid sitting in a corner with a dunce hat on who I can make fun of, or a bully I can stand up to. Doubt is a part of me, just like my belly fat is.

I am not unfamiliar with hard work. In one of my escapades, I had used intermittent fasting and worked my way to losing 10 pounds within 3 weeks. But who wants to starve themselves 5 days a week? So, I’ve done the no food. And I’ve done the fat and protein diet and the low carb and the slow carb and many others, but I’ve never had abs. Not even when I was a skinny kid in high school.

Today though, I am further than I have ever been before. My toes are dangling over the precipice and I am about to take a leap, and I am terrified.

This leap will be my ultimate test. It will take me beyond where I have ever been before with my fitness experience. Sure, I have the knowledge of what to do to get rid of my belly fat, but knowing that a flame is hot and being burned are two entirely different things.

This time feels different. The fear is not an army of zombie hands in a swamp, grabbing my legs and pulling me in. Today, those familiar hands of doubt tickle me with excitement for what is about to happen next.

Whether I know enough or know nothing about getting to 8% body fat will be discovered beyond this point.

Why am I feeling strength at times when I would normally be defeated?

I was listening to a sermon the other day. Everything the priest said was a blur (don’t judge me), except this one sentence, “after darkness, there is always light”. It was simple, but it makes so much sense – especially for this exact moment.

I don’t have to worry about the howl of the wind and the clanking and creaking of the windows, or the sway of the house on its foundation, I just need to weather the storm.

I’ve already made so much more progress than I thought possible. And if I keep trusting my system, keep on my meal plan, keep on exercising regularly and keep working on appreciating the world around me, despite the fear and doubt, I will have the body of my dreams.

I have burned all the boats. Sink or swim, I am taking a chance in only this direction. There’s now no more room to be frantic and start looking for other options because there are none.

I also extract strength by thinking about my friends, my family, and all the people who I will be able to help with the success story I write each day.

All of these create a thought inoculation against the monsters that prowl in the depths of my mind, and they give me courage.

I hope it does the same for you. Please let me know what you think in the comments.

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